The end of this September sure shocked me--yesterday it was sprinkling (but quite humid), and today the sun was burning my skin in 103 F degree weather.
What is this?!
It's like you can never have a win-win situation; while you may win some, YOU ALSO LOSE A LOT.
I've become pretty convinced I'm more than a little ill. I mean, my bruises haven't been disappearing (for well over half a year), my hair has been falling out increasingly (KIDNEY PROBLEMS...?), there's this spot on my back that feels really weird and numb (a part that is said to be linked to the kidney), and I'm basically allergic to life. So my parents have been asking their friends who are knowledgeable in Chinese medicine about my health and here is what I have to go through:
- Ginger tea: As I've explained previously, I have a cold base (?) so ginger is supposed to warm me up. I lose because it makes me feel like I'm drinking spicy soap detergent, and I lose my apetite.
- Apple vinegar: It's supposed to clear up my nose since I've been having crazy allergies. Although I only mix a little bit of the vinegar with a lot of warm water and honey, my throat still burns when I drink it. (And the suggested water/vinegar ratio is 1:1).
- Eggplant: It's supposed to make my bruises go away. But I hate eggplant ):
It's a pretty short list when I actually put it into writing, but the pain I feel from putting these things into my mouth is endless. I only hope the list won't increase! I really hope these things work though (and God isn't really out there to get me by putting me through this pain), because I really don't like seeing the doctor. And I really don't like to discover that I have some horrible illness.
With that, I hope I can FIX MY LIFE and sleep early every night. Except for tonight.
My stats binder is as boring as my stats teacher. Oh deng.
Right now, while waiting for Holly after school, two guys walked up to me and asked if I was alright. A little caught off-guard I replied with a not-as-pleasant-sounding-as-I-wanted "yeah." They were like, "Okay just checking because you look kind of sad." Then they walked away.
...
I know it is months too early for me to be feeling this way, but just working on--not finishing--my AP Lit summer homework (due first thing in the morning tomorrow) is completely stressing me out. It's still early in the night (well, 12am anyway), but I feel like this is four in the morning rushing through those dreaded Analytical Journals last year all over again. Actually, I think I feel worse. Before, despite all my complaining and groaning I had over rushing homework, I still at least finished the assignment. Today, I was so stressed out of my mind that I just gave up and went to my bed to take a nap. When I wasn't feeling sleepy anymore, I still laid in bed because I just did not want to touch the homework I have. That's horrible!
I want to finish this up, not because I want to be the top student in the class or anything, but because I don't want to have that regret in late January when report cards are coming out thinking, "Oh fuck, if only I didn't give up, and I finished my summer work."
I'm like basically waiting for that regret to kick in late January, because I am just so ready to quit working and go to sleep!
):
